república nerv: junho 2014

Survival mode Art.

aka the angry gondolier. Waiting to scam the next tourist

Art Vs Venice

To start with Venice had me beat. Just the basics such as eating, sitting down and breathing non-stinking air for one week would be an journey (An alternative title to this post was The Rise and Fall of the Floating Stinker). I had unknowingly booked an evil Hostel with no usable kitchen and worse yet: it allowed no food or drink on the premise that was not bought from them. This Hostel was more sleazy bar really than hostel. I tried to explain to them the concept of a "guest", and silly notions such as eating being a necessity. They replied that I was very welcome as long as I was constantly buying stuff (this would be a theme throughout Venice), and I quote "this is not your house, my friend". On the little island of Guidecca where I was staying, the only way to eat out without going bankrupt was to face pasta or pizza (being that I don't eat wheat). Oh there were little supermarkets around but Venice is very clever, there was no way to perchance knives or forks or little cheap pointy things anywhere. Except... if you bought 50 plastic knives, or 50 plastic forks, or a badly made wooden crucifix (i.e. could serve as a pointy thing). I was down on my luck... I had to try and conform, though it is not my nature. I followed the herds of tourists, dished out 30 euro on a shity fish dish, got charged 5 euros to sit down at a piazza and even ate a plasticy gelato. But sure it's all worth it right? For the stupid little cramped roads and soggy canals and the gangs of gondoliers looking for their next pack of Americans.

After one day on this wet pancake I could no longer stand for it. I bought 50 knives, 50 forks and 50 plates (I rather give my money away to the plastic industry then this pompous moist Disney Land ). I made friends with this guy

bought local parma ham and cheese. Every morning I would sit and with my shity knives and very slowly "chop" my breakfast and food for the day on the floor by the river

I went to work in abandoned coffee shops, as no other place would have me, this was my desk for one morning

I believe that tube shaped boat is a shit transporter, it very appropriating stopped off at my hostel on the right. Here is a closer look

After a few hours I was even shooed off the abandon coffee shop as the guy said: "You no work here this my work, I work here not you". That was the nicest thing any coffee shop owner had said to me so far. Before I could distress I heard a faint american voice, it was Mr Moustache and he said "I am proud of you my son, don't let them beat you... now go in search of public places...." and so I did. I found I could work in parks

I carried a bunch of bananas and one water bottle which I would fill at water fountains (often a queue of angry locals would form behind me)

Every morning after making my food, and usually being pointed at by tourists, I would take a water bus

to far far away, to a more local and ugly part of Venice, where I found peace.

In the end I won, the first picture shows me in my state of victory standing proud in the most expensive hyped up piazza of Venice, piazza di san marco, carrying my banana and free water. The second pictures is a gondolier I beat in a stare down, just to rub in, so that Venice would remember me.

Hey I thought I would relate my first trip that I've arranged for pure pleasure and completely alone!

Venice

Tourism to me is a strange phenomena. It has transformed Venice to what I imagine the end of days would be like, where everyone needs to see, eat and buy enough for the rest of eternity. My initial plan was to read and work outside in a beautiful location, and armed with better coffee and wine. I thought it was sound plan. I was a fool. I couldn't sit down anywhere to chill with an espresso, I actually got shooed off, and over charged for bad quality (I was cool with all this as I felt I was doing tourist trap tourism.) This morning I had to return to Venice. On a sunny summer Sunday morning, and it just so happens there is a race in the grand channel. To get to the island of Guidecca where I'm staying I need to get a water bus (cost 50 euros for 4 days of water buses), however they are mostly cancelled because of the race! With only 2 water bus lines remaining the queues are massive and it is beyond boiling hot. I have come to believe the climate is slowly transitioning to a fiery hell, so as that no one will notice when we get there. As there are no exact regulations on how many people fit on a water bus everyone just crammed on it and I find myself completely stuck in the middle of a group of giant Americans, like playing an opposite version of piggy in the middle. Luckily I have a map on my mobile of all the boat tracks and I'm using GPS. Of course the first thing the boat does is go completely off any track and leave the perimeter of my saved map. So I have no idea where the boat is and I don't know whether to break down and take comfort in the surrounding blubber or freak out and then receive a group hug. Somehow I recognise my island after ages and I get off onto a blissful paradise. Exactly like the central island of Venice, with little channels, little open market places and sprinkled with restaurants and coffee shops over looking Venice and the river. The difference is they are all empty and reasonable priced. I'm exhilarated to find a more local side of Venice. My hostel is gorgeous. It has it's own student bar and tomorrow is games night with Go.

Giudecca

Tripulantes

Links

Arquivos

Créditos

I'll build my own Republic, with black jack and hookers. In fact, screw the Republic!

2014/06/15

2014/06/08